Parents are raising kids in a unique time where social media use is part of a kid’s culture. There are so many pressures for parents around how to manage use while staying balanced and safe. Parents have to ask themselves “When do I let my teen have a phone?”, “How do I manage screen time?”, “How do I decide what apps they can have and when?”. There are not a lot of concrete answers, but here are some strategies to help your teens develop a healthier relationship with social media.
1. Have regular conversations about social media with your teen.
Share your concerns and thoughts about apps and social media use with your teenager. This is best done with an open-ended question such as “What do you like about this app?” or “What do you think this post is trying to sell or tell you?”. Lean away from lecturing, and try to create a non-judgmental environment so they will come and share things with you in the future.
2. Watch documentaries together about social media and how it works.
There are several great documentaries that explain how algorithms, notifications, and dopamine patterns influence online behavior to get our attention. When teens are able to see how these strategies are developed and how they work, they will be able to gain perspective and knowledge. This can empower them to understand how getting our attention is the actual product. Doing this helps them become self-aware and educated about phone use. Here are some documentaries that you could watch together: The Social Dilemma, Childhood 2.0, Screened Out.
3. Model healthy media use.
As usual, what we do versus what we say is often more important in modeling healthy habits for our kids. Pay attention to how often you check your phone. Set time limits for yourself, as well as your kids. Let your kids see you waiting in line without checking your phone. Make sure your kids see you reading or doing other activities with your phone off and away.
4. Have family challenges around phone use.
Build in screen-free time during the weekends and/or weeknights. You could have a family reward, such as a special meal/dessert or outing, if everyone doesn’t use their phone for a day (or for 5 hours). Make it fun and a family challenge to get everyone involved.
5. Remember to stay strong and hold your boundaries.
You will inevitably hear “My friends don’t have time limits!”, or “Nobody at school has to keep their phone in their parents room at night!”, or (my favorite) “Everyone else has (insert app here)!”. It is tricky because we know teens want to feel part of the group, and sometimes not having something means they also miss out on certain aspects of communication. But remember, it is okay to go against the grain if you feel strongly about it. You can hold the boundary when needed despite your child’s pleading. You can also let them know the rule will change when they are older or at a particular age.
To learn more about strategies managing a teens social media use, feel free to contact Ivy Ross, LMFT, RPT-S at ivy@treehousecounselingoregon.com. Or get in touch with the Treehouse team to schedule a virtual appointment or an in-person appointment at one of our Beaverton clinics.
