As kids head back to school this fall, it can be hard for parents to hear “I don’t like
school”. This is a common and sometimes stressful thing to hear for a parent.
Frustration and worry tend to spike as soon as those words are uttered. Below are 5 tips
to help approach conversations with your children about school, and help parents
navigate managing this situation.
1. Approach your child with curiosity and empathy. You need more information
after a child expresses a dislike of school. Part of it could be the transition itself is
tricky-going from an unstructured and playful summer vibe, to a more routine and
rules/demands vibe. Be curious about what specifically is hard for them.
Ask them to “tell me more”. Then, ask them what the hardest part of the day is,
and what is the easiest part. Listen actively and let them know you understand
and hear them. Kids need help thinking through the details as they tend to be
concrete in their thinking.
2. Investigate the ‘why’. Continue the curiosity about what part of school is hard
for them. Is it the social dynamics, the loud noises and sensory overload,
academic pressure, or teacher style. In elementary school, kids often have one
main teacher so if they don’t particularly like that teacher then a lot of their day is
spent with someone they aren’t connecting with. Older students usually have
multiple teachers, which can be helpful if they don’t like one of them. Parents
need more information about the specifics of what their children aren’t liking.
3. Give it time. Is it the first week of school? Did one thing happen that upset them,
and now it is generalized as a dislike for the whole school day? Kids’ brains and
nervous systems are usually activated a bit more at the beginning of the school
year as they get used to the many new things. Compare it to the last time you
started a new job or a new club-it can be overwhelming. They may be venting to
you, and their whole day and school experience isn’t terrible. Try not to panic and
let everyone adjust for a few weeks, until you decide if action is needed.
4. Collaborate with the school. Once you have more information about what
specifically is challenging for your child, then reach out to the school counselor or
teacher. Remember they are your partner and ask what they notice at school.
Having their perspective will help get a more in depth picture of how your child is
doing during the day. If there are needs that the child is lacking, ask the school what
can be done. Does the child need flexible seating, a weekly check in with the
counselor, headphones during assemblies, evaluation for learning issues, etc.
You can always request for accommodations through a 504 plan or an IEP if your
student qualifies.
5. Support them at home. Disliking school isn’t usually a problem that can be
solved overnight. Take a breath, and remember what you have control of. Make
sure the home environment is a place where they can recharge. Keep routines steady
with meals, bedtime and connection. Being at school can be exhausting for a
child who is struggling. You may have to lower expectations and demands at home
on school nights. Add a ritual of Rose/Bud/Thorn to your dinner or bedtime
routine. Talk about the rose (the best part of the day), the bud (what they are
looking forward to) and the thorn (what was the worst part of the day). You can
share yours as well to model that each day is a mix of all things.
*If your child is struggling for a long time and refuses to attend school, reach out to a
child therapist and your pediatrician for more support.
